OK, people. Now that the dust has settled on your NCAA tournament brackets, it’s time to get down to brass tacks. It’s time for the real deal.

Welcome to the first annual PSPRING PSYCHOSIS TOURNAMENT! Like most of you, I hold a deep love of the competitive spirit, long-held tradition, and glorious pageantry, but I could care less about college basketball. (Or any kind of non-Globetrotter basketball, for that matter. If it ain’t got buckets of confetti, I ain’t buyin’.)

So instead of wasting our time on a bunch of Hoosiers-type shenanigans, we’re gonna have the most bad-ass single elimination tournament on either side of the Mississippi. It’s simple. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BASKETBALL. I randomly picked 64 things of varying degrees of awesomeness. Then I ranked them, and slapped them on to these brackets, where they will spend the next week or so battling it out, until only one exits victorious, as the ultimate model of cool, awesomeness, and general all-around bad-assness.

How will the winners be chosen, you ask? BY ME. I CHOOSE. It’s my website, not yours. If you want to make all the decisions, get your own website, you IDIOT.

But here’s what you CAN do. (And I strongly encourage you to do this): Print out the bracket by clicking here, and fill yours out. Every few days, I will be revealing the winners of each round, with an in-depth breakdown of each match up. You won’t want to miss it.

And tell all of your friends, coworkers, and members of Congress. Follow along, and see how your brackets match up to the official tournament.

Also, I want you guys involved. Take photos of your brackets and post them in the comments. Also, call it up front- Who or what is going to come out victorious? Mad props will go to anyone who calls the winner. And maybe even a prize. Or, at the very least, my deep respect.

So check out the brackets, print them out here, and share this with your friends, lovers, and business associates. The first round results will be posted this coming Monday, March 23rd. So hop to it, partner.

Let the games begin.